


Your Eyes (Are the Windows to My Soul)

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Fix-It, Light Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 19:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18697834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tony's never seen his reflection clearer than in the bright blue of Steve Rogers's eyes.





	Your Eyes (Are the Windows to My Soul)

The first time it happens, the space ship’s just touched down on earth. The door opens and he stumbles down, looking up to find _him_ right there.

Steve rushes over, gripping his elbow and steadying him when he falters, and for a second, he allows himself to cling on, unable to let go. He looks into those eyes- blue and crystal clear and prettier than the sea, and the words come, unbidden, pouring out like a tidal wave.

“I lost the kid.”

Four words. Four syllables, eleven letters, seemingly innocuous but it’s enough. The pretty face crumples, brows furrowing, a whirlwind of emotion pouring into those baby blues like a raging storm battering the sea.

And even as Steve’s grip slackens and he’s passed on to Pepper’s arms, the (limp) strings on his (bruised) heart tug him back, because everything that he feels – the sadness and the anger and the overwhelming despair weighing in his heart, emotions embedded so deep he feels them in his very soul – everything he feels is in those eyes, amplified and projected back at him and not for the first time Tony’s reminded he’s never seen himself reflected quite so clearly in anyone else, never felt so known and exposed and flayed open, because for everything that Pepper is to him, everything that she’s done, her soul has never quite mirrored his. Not to the extent that Steve’s has.

_Never in the way Steve’s has._

The second time they’re in the compound.

They’re in the compound and Steve’s asking for coordinates and he’s hit with the startling realization that if he thought he was emotionally fatigued on Titan and on the ship, it’s nothing compared to the exhaustion now.

The failure still weighs on him – nearly every waking thought he has is devoted to the kid, and May, and every other person out of the billions they’ve lost.

But only nearly, because every thought that’s not about them – every thought that’s not about them is about Steve. Steve, with his chiselled jaw and full lips and sharp cheekbones and golden hair, eyes wide and permanently sad, shoulders slumped like they carry the weight of the world, looking, for all intents and purposes, like a fallen angel.

It’s infuriating, the sheer amount of self-pity in that gaze.

Tony snaps.

He’s yelling, shouting about needing ( _I needed you_ ) a suit of armour around the world ( _and your arms around me_ ) and losing together ( _together, like we used to be_ ) and-

And he knows what it boils down to. He knows, so he says it: “No trust. Liar.”

The dam breaks and the eyes fill, pooling with tears that make them bluer than ever and in them he sees the same anguish and heartbreak swirling inside him now, ever present since Siberia.

He collapses under the weight of that gaze, and they take him to bed.

_Even as he drifts off, all he can picture are two blue mirrors, bottomless pools of his own emotional reflections._

The third time is a long five years later – five years spent without his dark reflection in crystal blue eyes, five years of distance and emotional healing.

But then he gets out of the car and Steve is standing there, wide eyed and hopeful, and he really _has_ missed that giddy optimism.

It feels good, to see the hope in someone else.

 _Recognizes it as his own hope still buried deep inside_.

The fourth time it’s 2012.

It’s 2012 and he messed up, but he also knows how he can fix it. They punch in the date and Steve’s asking if he’s sure and he is.

He’s sure about this but he’s not sure about something else so Tony has to ask.

“Do you trust me?”

He sticks out his hand and he’s waiting for an answer and try as he might, he doesn’t think he can disguise how apprehensive he is about the answer.

But then Steve’s hand is in his and their eyes meet and he’s saying “I do” and Tony knows he means it, because the same trust he feels, the same trust he knows deep down in his soul never went anywhere – he sees the same trust in Steve’s eyes, and it feels-

 _It feels kind of like healing_.

The fifth time is when he exits the cradle.

Extremis is flowing through his veins and his arm feels like his but not really his at the same time and when he looks up he sees those blue eyes.

Bright and blue like a cloudless sky, awe and gratitude and love- so much love it could, _should_ be overwhelming.

But it’s not, because Tony knows, without a doubt, the amount of love he has in his heart for this man is equally overwhelming. Inexhaustible and unquantifiable and so boundless it could fill an infinite number of seas.

He knows Steve sees it. After all, how could he not?

_Steve's eyes have always been the windows to Tony’s soul._


End file.
